Ok, I've switched venues, and while I'm waiting for The Flaming Lips, I'm going to take advantage of the free Wi-Fi to upload some of the things I've written over the last few days.
Getting There is None of the Fun
The emotions experienced in getting to Bonnaroo compare favorably with many other notable life transitions, like your first root canal, your first "full" physical exam after you turn 40, and the first time a woman rips your heart out and stomps it flat on the floor. It's not getting to the festival that's so tough; it's what happens after you get there that causes strokes, high blood pressure, and screaming fits of rage.
First of all, the organizers of this event decided that in order to improve traffic flow, they would have two entrances, one on either side of the campground. This sounds wonderful, except that on the opening morning, they only used one entrance!
I asked a traffic control person why they were sending us all the way to the other side of the campground, and got an answer I was to hear over and over again throughout the weekend;
'I don’t know, that's just what they told me to do."
Now, it's bad enough that they only have one entrance open, but for some reason, they decided to fill the campsites from back to front. So, by virtue of being early to Bonnaroo, I'm camping just about as far from the venue as possible.
Delightful.
But the fun doesn’t stop there, no sir. As you first enter the campground, they break the line of traffic up into about 15 lanes for inspection. You see, Bonnaroo has a lot of very strict rules about what they allow on site and what they don't. Those rules are spelled out in multiple places on their website, and include limits on how much alcohol each person may bring in with them. Obviously, in order to enforce these rules, they have to inspect every vehicle that comes in the gate.
Here’s where the insanity begins. How are you going to inspect a fully loaded and packed up truck, car or RV without causing a traffic snarl of epic proportions? Answer: You can't. So the folks at Bonnaroo have come up with a unique solution. They divide a single lane of traffic into about 15 and route them to 15 inspection stations. After you pass through the inspection, they recombine these 15 lanes of traffic back into one. Of course, there are no lane markings, so what happens is a free for all that makes a demolition derby look like a Sunday drive in the park. Here’s the capper. After creating this monstrous traffic snarl, the inspection consisted of a single question.
"Do you have any glass containers or weapons in your truck?"
"Does an 8 pound sledge and a crowbar count?"
"Nope."
"Then no, I don’t."
"Okay, off you go."
No, I’m not kidding.
After passing through this rigorous inspection process, and after weaving my way back into single file, I drove the length of the campground out to the back 40 where three teenage kids guided me to my spot in paradise, a 10 square foot plot of overgrown weeds and space to park my truck. I actually caught a break on this one. I'm at the end of a row, so if I have an emergency and have to leave, I can get out. The folks in the interior are not so lucky. They can't leave until the people around them leave which should make Monday a very interesting day.
Planning and Arrival Tips
I was in the back 40 as well. What a trip... to say the very VERY least. It was my first time this year, too; definitely an experience I'll never forget. It was too fucking ridiculous to ever forget. I'll just say that a group of 15 of my friends and myself went together from Oklahoma, and only 14 of us returned. The shows were about the only thing that were on the pro list of my experience, and even some of them were sorely disappointing. Not the bands, but the circumstances and some of the crowd. I even left a day early because I was so disappointed. But I still had a good time. I was determined to do so after spending the amount of time, money and effort that I did.
Posted by: Timithy Augustus on June 18, 2007 8:50 PM