...where 13 year old girls can die of cancer.
She was in my son's class at school, and was diagnosed with leukemia last year. She died last night when her kidneys failed and her heart stopped beating.
How do you help a young boy understand the death of a classmate when you don't understand it yourself? When my father died a year and a half ago, it happened suddenly, but it wasn't a surprise. Given the lifestyle he chose to lead, it was only a matter of time before his body broke down.
But this just makes no sense. As I try to wrap my mind around it, something just rebels and says "NO! This cannot be! It must not be!" And the parent in me shivers in terror and looks for the nearest shaman to intercede with the gods to spare my child from this. But what I'm really begging for is that the gods spare me from the horror.
Why does a 13 year old have to die? My religious friends all say "God works in mysterious ways" which to me is a total cop out. I say that if God created us in his own image and if everything happens for a reason then we should be able to figure out that reason. My New Age friends tell me that her soul had finished the task it had chosen on this earth and was ready to move on. Another cop out. If this life were so meaningless, then it wouldn't hurt so damn much.
No, the only explanation that makes sense is that it doesn't make sense. There is no plan or purpose to everything. When God made the world he slapped it on the ass to get things moving then stepped back to watch the show while we scurry around like little ants, colliding and bouncing off of each other, and pretending that we can make sense of it all while children die of disease and hunger and accident or worse. And we shie away from acknowledging the randomness of their deaths because it leads us to one immutable and intolerable fact; we aren't in control of anything. Life doesn't make sense and has no meaning; it just is.
And that just puts things in a brand new perspective, doesn't it? Too often, we (and by 'we' I really mean 'I,' since I'm really talking about myself here; y'all are just along for the ride to keep me company) get so wrapped up in our plans for the future that we forget that it's all a crapshoot. We worry about things that don't rate worry; after all, in 50 years, who's going to care whether I vacuumed the living room today or put it off until tomorrow?
So if you're not where you planned to be 10 years ago, or you've got money worries, or personal problems, or lacking a girlfriend (Durn! 4 for 4.) take a deep breath and relax for a minute. You're alive. Your kids are alive and healthy and not in therapy, prison, or rehab. That puts you well ahead of the game. Everything else in life is gravy.
Posted by Rich at November 3, 2005 5:15 PM | TrackBack