I was grocery shopping last weekend and my daughter had asked for some conditioner for her hair. Not just any conditioner mind you, but a certain special kind of conditioner that you leave in your hair.
So there I was, in the hair care products aisle of the Super Walmart, looking for conditioner that you leave in your hair. Naturally, this led to me actually reading the labls on some of the products to find out whether or not they were to be left in or rinsed out. And in the course of this reading, I discovered that women are strange. I know, big surprise, but I wasn't aware of the extent of their strangeness until I started reading the ingredients that go in to some of this stuff. One product in particular caught my eye because the principle ingredient was animal placenta extract.
I'll pause for a second and let that sink in.
Running through my head, I now have the indelible image of millions of American women standing in the shower rubbing raccoon afterbirth into their hair.
You know, I want my hair to look good too, but damn! There are limits, you know?
The funniest part was that the labeled declared that this product was not cruel to animals because there was no animal testing involved, which begs the question, how were the placentas collected?
There's an ugly job for you, animal placenta collector. I bet that's one that doesn't come up very often during career day at school. Can you imagine the job interview?
"So, Mr. Hailey, what are your qulifications for collecting animal placentas?"
"Well, sir, I've had a long interest in biology, and my road kill collection is the most extensive in the state, if not the country. I have it fully indexed by species, collection location, and, where possible, make and model of the vehicle involved."
"Excellent! That means you can also help us out with our new shampoo line, Gee, Your Hair Smells Like Roadkill!"
Simply amazing.
Posted by Rich at May 3, 2004 9:59 AM | TrackBackThe funniest part was that the labeled declared that this product was not cruel to animals because there was no animal testing involved, which begs the question, how were the placentas collected?
Placentas are an ephemeral organ only present during gestation that are delivered after the baby. No harm necessary.
Even human placentas are often collected by hospitals for various forms of research, if they aren't saved to be eaten.
Posted by: Chris Wage on May 3, 2004 6:12 PMAfter cows calve, the placentas are just abandoned, free for the picking. Unless the cows eat them.
Posted by: Tresho on May 4, 2004 2:36 AMI have an image in my head of some poor bastard following a herd of pregnant cows across a field, scooping up placentas as fast as they drop.
Posted by: rich on May 4, 2004 12:27 PM