Shots Across The Bow

A Personal Epiphany

It took a painfully swift kick in the ass, but I've finally seen the light.

I'm a Democrat now.

Yes, it's true. I support John Kerry for President, and hope he picks someone like Edwards as his veep. In fact, I'm going further and becoming an anti-capitalist socialist.

DOWN with the Corporate DOGS! POWER to the PEOPLE and all that STUFF! Screw the MAN. Speak the TRUTH to the POWER! BUSH LIED-PEOLPE DIED!!!! SPELL CHECKING is for the Bourgeois LACKEYS of the MAN!!! TYPE in all CAPS! And USE lots of EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!

And what led to this sudden transformation?

I got laid off yesterday.

It wasn't unexpected. The company announced quite a while ago that they would be laying off employees, but offered a very nice retention incentive (about $20,000 plus 1 year continued insurance coverage for the employee and family) to be paid to anyone who was laid off. They asked for volunteers first, and since the job I was hired to do was done, and because I had some plans for a new business, plans that the incentive pay would capitalize nicely, I volunteered.

Back when I was in the Navy, we had a saying. Never Again Volunteer Yourself. I didn't learn that lesson, and it came back to bite me in the ass.

I volunteered for the layoff back in February, and was told last Friday that I would be laid off this Thursday. I was asked if I'd be interested in coming back as a contractor the next week, but I'd made my plans and was ready to go, so I turned them down.

Big mistake.

Wednesday afternoon, at about 3:30, the HR department called and informed me that, due to their interpretation of the requirements of the retention incentive program, I was not eligible for the bonus or the insurance, but thanks so much for volunteering.

I was understandably distressed by this news. I've lost money before but I've never had $20,000 stolen from me.

It sucks.

I went to see the head of the HR department, and after telling me all about his cold, and how he wasn't sure whether it was a winter cold or a spring cold, he informed me that I was out on my ass. In the space of a few minutes I went from budding entrepreneur to out of work bum on welfare and food stamps, screwed by a callous corporate system that grinds down the little guy, wresting the very life's blood from his body, repaying him with nothing but contempt.

I refuse to play helpless victim. Since I was planning on starting a business, I had backup financing plans in mind just in case something like this happened so we're all OK and my business plans may have been drastically altered, but they're still intact.

All I need now is a hungry labor lawyer who is looking to stick it to some corporate types who really, really chose the wrong guy to pick a fight with. If my lawyer tells me I have no case, I'll let it go, and consider it a painful lesson learned. On the other hand, if my lawyer says I do have a case, then $20,000 will seem like peanuts when I get done with these assholes. They want to play hardball, well then, welcome to the big leagues boys.

(2 paragraphs deleted as unprofessional. Funny, but unprofessional)

Oh, by the way, that whole switching to democrat thing was a joke, playing off the stereotypical liberal demographic. I am fully aware that not all democrats are out of work welfare bums looking to get rich quick by suing corporate assholes. That was a generalization, used only to provide an extra dollop of sarcasm. In fact, I am now a conservative welfare bum looking to get rich quick by suing corporate assholes.

Don't that just beat all?

Posted by Rich at April 10, 2004 1:53 AM | TrackBack