It’s January 1, 2003, and like the god Janus, I’m going to take a look at the high points of 2002, as well as a few choice clips of my own. Of course, since I started this at 0030 on January 1, I’m already running late.
So much for that resolution…
Well, the year started with stories of cloning and ended the same way. Clonaid announced the birth of a baby cloned from the birth mother. This seems to me to be unlikely, since they only claimed to have completed fertilization in June. Regardless of whether or not the claim is proven, cloning is here to stay. Here’s a question for you:
If you have a clone of yourself, can you both vote?
Yes, but only in Florida, and only because they can’t count the votes anyway.
Which leads to another highlight of the year, the elections, and the Republican surprise. In spite of the best efforts of Michael Moore, Babs Streisand, et al, Republicans solidified their hold on the House, and took back the Senate. Democrats were left claiming victory since they gained more governorships. Even more embarrassing, Jeb Bush won handily in Florida.
The Winter Olympics took place in February. The highlight was a self proclaimed prophetess predicting that aliens would appear over the Olympic City. They didn’t.
Andrea Yates went on trial for drowning her 5 children. She blamed it on postnatal depression. NOW blamed it on her husband. He blamed it on her psychiatrist. The jury blamed her.
At 8:02 PM on February 20th, time read the same forward as it did backwards. Nothing of significance occurred at this time.
Lance Bass made a bid to be the first boy band member in space. Sadly, he couldn't raise the funds needed to achieve this dream, dooming us all to the next N'Sync CD.
The violence continued in Israel, with Palestinian bombers slaughtering people who committed the unpardonable offence of getting on the bus to go to work, or hanging out in a disco, or attending a religious ceremony celebrating the attainment of adulthood.
In March Rosie O'Donnell came out of the closet, stunning millions who didn't realize she was ever in the closet.
A nugget from March:
By the way, a piece of advice from personal experience:Some little kids love to be tossed in the air and caught by daddy. Some love it when you throw them higher and higher. This is a fun way for daddy and baby to play together, but please remember that babies are not structurally aerodynamic or balanced, and given enough time between throw and catch, can easily assume a completely different orientation.
My middle daughter was one who enjoyed the game. I tossed her in the air once and she arched her back at the same time. This resulted in her performing an unexpected, although perfect back flip in the layout position, followed by a perfect catch by yours truly, who immediately announced his retirement from baby tossing, amidst tremendous remonstrations from my spouse, who questioned my intelligence, sanity, and the legitimacy of my birth with great vigor.
In May, my oldest son graduated from high school, and left for college. His younger brither decided to leave high school early, and attend college in Massachusetts. I'm either doing something right, or driving my children away.
India and Pakistan came very close to war (again) this time nuclear, until the whole thing (Kashmir again) blew over.
Microsoft announced Xbox live, and on-line complement to the XBox gaming system. It's out now, and it's pretty cool.
Cleanup of Ground Zero was completed, ahead of schedule and under budget.
In June, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals declared the Pledge of Allegiance to be unconstitutional. They were overturned.
I turned 39.
A nugget from June:
Now then, how are the messages transmitted? Once the mind is in a properly receptive state, the messages are delivered via the actions of the character. Archetypical characters are introduced, and then made to behave in ways which support communist propaganda.For example, the professor on Gilligan’s Island is a direct representation of American technology and ingenuity. He can build a trans-atlantic phone network out of coconuts, some colored vines, and a cable that washed up on the beach. He is a true whiz with gadgets, and a fountain of knowledge. But he is helpless when it comes to solving the primary dilemma, how to fix the boat. This symbolizes the futility of American technology and initiative when faced with the insurmountable obstacle of the communism, as it marches to inevitable victory. Wiley Coyote similarly represents the futility of technology when facing a natural power in the Road Runner. The tip off here is in the name “Road Runner.” The initials RR actually stand for Red Russia. Notice that the syllabic pattern is the same as well. Another tip off.
Going back to Gilligan’s Island, Ginger represents the seductive nature of capitalism. It looks great from the outside, but once involved, you find out that it is all an act. That’s why Ginger was an actress on the show. Another tip off-her hair was red.
It’s beginning to get frighteningly plausible isn’t it?
The Howells are easy, representing the useless, exploitative, upper class parasites, who exist on the efforts of others. The tip here is in the name Thurston Howell III. The Industrial revolution came first, then the American Revolution, and the third great revolution will be the Communist Revolution.
MaryAnn and Gilligan are the workers, the heart of the communist system. Good hearted, and simple, they follow the lead of the state, represented by the skipper, and do most of the labor that keeps the commune running. They need the guidance of the skipper to keep them out of trouble, just as the worker needs the state to take care of him.
July's nugget:
My mind raced as I tried to think about what I could do. Now like any good Tennessee redneck, I have several abandoned cars in my yard as lawn ornaments, but of course, their batteries had long since been scavenged for other vehicles. I had a battery charger in the garage that I bought for the lawn mower, but that would take hours to…wait a minute. The lawn mower! It has a battery! This could work! After all, the engine in a Tracker isn’t much bigger than a lawn mower engine. I went to the barn, fired up the lawn mower, and rode it down to my car. I hooked up the jumper cables, got in the Tracker, and turned the key. The motor ground very slowly for a second, then spun once and started. Victory was mine!
Nine miners survived for several days in a flooded mine shaft, supporting each other until they were rescued.
Taking a cue from the tobacco lawsuits, a fat man sued fast food restaurants for selling him food that was fattening. He'll probably win.
John Walker Lindh was sentenced to 20 years for fighting alongside the Taliban.
August's nugget:
Now I don't know about you, but to me, kite flying is exciting for about 30 seconds. You launch it, pay out your string, and there you are. The kite floats in the air and you watch it. It's like watching paint dry without the suspense.So, I went out and bought a stunt kite....
"This," he said, "is the XJ-27. It'll fly in 5 to 30 mph winds; do loops, stalls, figure eights, dives, and will hover sideways. The control lines are 250 lb test; the struts are
a reinforced carbon composite material. They're held in place by soft rubber sleeves which are designed to breakaway on impact to protect the structural integrity of the unit in the event you crash it. This model can be launched solo, or with a partner. Just a kite? I don't think so."My eyes had glazed over, looking at this wonderful APAAD. Even in the shop, it looked like it was flying, ready to soar on the winds, to take on whatever challenges the weather and I could throw at it. I had to have it.
We negotiated the financing, and when my credit check came back denied, he directed me to a nearby plasma bank, where I quickly and painlessly acquired the funds I needed. I had my kite.
Mass arrests at K-Mart showed us the real meaning of a blue light special.
September and the Vol football season ended before it began. Sadly, they insisted on playing all of the scheduled games, including the Peach bowl where they embarrassed themselves with a 30-3 pasting by Maryland.
The first anniversary of 9-11 came and went without a peep from Al Qaida, which was fortunate, since nobody would have noticed with the 24 hour news coverage of the memorials.
October, and the Wellstone Memorial sets new standards for bad taste, and contributes to the coming downfall of the Democratic Party.
October's nugget:
Yes, the Vols sucked so bad last night, a permanent low pressure zone has formed over Neyland Stadium. Casey, the one-armed-mouth showed that maybe he couldn't have beaten Georgia with one arm after all. Kelley Washington demonstrated yet again that he doesn't have the heart to play Division 1 college ball. Randy Sanders put on a clinic on how not to run an offense. And, as we have come to expect, the officials showed a complete lack of knowledge and vision on the field.
And that was the toned down version....
Chechen rebels took a Moscow theater hostage. Russian troops freed the hostages by gassing the theater, resulting in death to many of the hostages and all of the terrorists.
A sniuper terrorized DC, and the surrounding states, until being captured by police at a rest area. It turned out there were two men involved, and that they had links to Islamic extremists. Authorities declared that terrorism was not involved.
I moved to Hosting matters and Movable Type, leaving the bug plagued Blogger behind.
In November, Republicans stunned Democrats and most of the press by winning control of the Senate, and retaining control of the House. Michael Moore was left speechless, which should be all that is needed to give Pres. Bush a place in history.
The Pentagon announced plans to track every purchase made by every person in America.
November's nugget:
The dew had evaporated off the grass, and the sun had climbed a little higher in the sky. The crisp air gave way to a warm breeze that did little to cool me off as I began the next hole. The pleasant morning passed into an unpleasant afternoon, hot and muggy, more typical of July than April. The next three trees became a back-breaking, mind-numbing routine: Cut the sod away, dig through 3 inches of loam, then swing the pick at the red clay, and scoop the pitiful handful of dirt out of the hole. Put the tree in the hole to see if the root ball is covered yet. Pull the tree out of the hole and begin to dig again. Repeat. Chase dog away from freshly planted tree, re-mulch. Continue on new hole. Check depth of hole. Curse the day you ever thought of planting a tree. Stop dog from digging up newly planted tree. Replant newly planted tree. Go back to new hole and dig. No, the dog won't dig here, only where you've already dug. Trust me on this one. Chase dog away from newly replanted tree again. Trip over guy wire, cutting shin and uprooting newly replanted tree. Lie on the ground and curse Johnny Appleseed, and everybody remotely connected with Arbor Day. Get up, replant newly uprooted, freshly replanted tree. Continue work on new hole. Decide that the root ball doesn't absolutely have to be covered completely and plant new tree. Cover with topsoil and chunks of clay, then mulch. Dig up tree to stop child from crying because he didn't get to plant it. Re-plant freshly dug up tree, with said child's assistance. Proceed to next hole. Repeat three more times. Rig lighting to continue digging in the dark.
A CIA drone fired a missile that vaporized several Al Qaida members, including Qaed Salim Sinan al-Harethi, a top aide to Osama bin Laden.
In December, Trent Lott wedged his foot in his mouth for the last time, and it Cost him the Senate Majority Leardership, which went to Bill Frist.
I went on a date!
December's nugget:
That’s when I noticed that the front fork was on backwards. A ha! We have found the problem. I called my dad out (he was very happy to leave that warm house and come out into the frigid December morning) and showed him how Santa had messed up on my bike. Dad said he’d show me how to fix it, and walked over to the bike. I expected him to go to the garage for his tools, but instead, he clamped the wheel between his legs, and with a grunt of effort, twisted the handle bars all the way around, until the fork was facing forward. I thought that was just too cool. Tools were for weaklings! When my daughter asked me to fix her handlebars, I knew exactly what to do. I clamped the front wheel between my legs, grabbed the handlebars, and with a mighty tug, snapped the little retaining bolt that holds the handlebars on right off.After I got her to stop crying, we went to WalMart for a new bike, which I assembled using the proper tools.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this littel trip through 2002. I'd do my predictions for 2003, but it's 3:30 AM now, and I'm going to sleep for a bit.
Y'all take care, and may the new year bring you challenges, and the strength to overcome them; opportunities, and the courage to take them; friends, and the wisdom to recognize them.
Posted by Rich at January 1, 2003 3:48 AM