Shots Across The Bow

Ice Hockey in Knoxville

I went to see the Ice Bears play last Saturday night against the Cape Fear fire Ants.

I've never been to a live hockey game, and never watched a game on TV, unles you count the movie Youngblood, and I only paid attention then when Cynthia Gibbs was on screen, but after Saturday's game, I'm hooked. I'm surprised that hockey isn't bigger down here than it is; it has everything a southern boy needs; violence, alcohol, speed, shooting, men with clubs, furry mascots, and fist fights. All we need is some cheerleaders and the game will be complete.

I bought my tickets at the Ice Bears web site, but from now on, I'll buy them at the gate. Thewebsite added $5 for shipping and handling, but I was picking up the tickets at the "will call" window. Then they added another $5 charge for picking them up at the "will call" window. There are plenty of seats available, so just go to the window and buy your tickets that way.

Their home games are played at the Civic Coliseum. I remember going to the Coliseum as a kid for the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus, and thinking how huge the place was. Now I see how small and cramped it actually is. Forget the Convention Center, Universe Knoxville and all the other boondoggles; Knoxville needs a new Coliseum. The Civic Coliseum was fine when Knoxville had a population around 60,000, but is hopelessly inadequate now. But I will give the staff credit; the place is clean, and well maintained. The lady may be showing her age, but she hasn't fallen apart.

As we were walking over from the parking garage ($4.00) we followed a family dressed in their Sunday best. I figured that either they were over dressed, or I was terribly under dressed for a hockey game. Since it is impossible to under dress for a hockey game, I assume there was another event going on.

The game started promptly at 8:30, although the usual start is at 7:30. The game was fast paced, and I discovered that you can see the puck a lot better in real life than on TV. As for the rules, I'm still a little fuzzy on them. I think you hit the puck with your stick, or your opponet with your stick, until the referree skates over and stops you. He grabs the puck, and two players wait for him to drop it like your dog waits for you to throw him a treat. Occasionally, for mno visible reason, the ref will refuse to drop the puck until two new players line up. When the ref throws the puck down, the two players swing wildly at the puck and each other, trying to gain an advantage. This is called a face off, and it happens a lot.

The object of the game is to get the puck past the goalie, a poor unfortunate recruited to stand in front of a half pound chunk of frozen rubber heading directly at his person at about 600 miles per hour. If he fails to get out of the way of this missile, he can count on it being immediately assaulted by several people with sticks swinging wildly in an effort to get the puck into the goal. If he does manage to get out of the way, the other team scores a point, which seems very unfair to me. Why penalize the poor man for acting in self defense?

Speaking of penalties, if a player commits a foul, like hitting another player across the face with his stick, he is forced to sit in a penalty box for 2 minutes if his victim survives, and 5 minutes if he dies, after which the player returns to the game nicely rested, and looking for revenge. In the meantime, his team plays short a man, which gives the other team a scoring opportunity.

Anyway, instead of halves, or quarters, like regular sports, hockey has three periods (Those crazy Canucks!) of 20 minutes. Each period takes about 40 minutes to play, with two 18 minute intermissions, so the game takes about 2.5 hours. Don't worry about geting bored, because during the intermissions, you get to watch games, and the Zamboni. The Zamboni is the machine they drive around ice to scrape up the bad ice, bloodstains, and loose teeth left on the surface during the game. The Zamboni also lays down a new layer of ice which does two things; it creates a smooth surface for the players to skate on, and allows the puck to break the speed of sound.

So we have mayhem with weapons, a distinct shortage of rules, power tools, brawling, shooting, and scoring, and all for a reasonable price. What more could you ask for?

Posted by Rich at December 2, 2002 10:38 PM