Dens of iniquity Thailand is worried about the decline in morality of their country, so they are taking drastic steps to protect their youth. That's right, they are banning kids under 18 from going into Karaoke bars.
Well, that's a relief. I was afraid they were going to close all the topless bars, sex shows, massage parlors, body shampoo bath houses, and the rest of the sex industry in Paddaya Beach and the Pat Pong. I was in Bangkok in 1989 while in the Navy. I was stationed aboard the USS Nimitz, and we pulled into Paddaya Beach for liberty. 3 buddies and I took a cab to Bangkok to see the sights, and brother, did we see some sights! I'd go into more detail, but remember, my mother reads this. Let's just I saw things that I didn't believe were anatomically possible, some of which continue to play a role in my nightmares!
But certainly, the Karaoke bar is a much greater threat to morality than having a naked girl lather herself up, and use her body as your washcloth. That's just good clean fun. But karaoke, with its dark, smoky bars, the loud music, the off key singing, it's a pit of the devil. If karaoke had been around when Dante wrote The Inferno, I'm sure he would have reserved a special ring of Hell for the purveyors of this moral disaster, complete with a karaoke machine with only two songs, Seasons in the Sun and Feelings, with an endless lines of demons screeching the treackly lyrics.
Karaoke is dangerous, especially for impressionable youngsters. Lord knows what they might do after hearing the 17th rendition of "I'm not a girl", which in Thailand may not be a metaphor, but a simple statement of fact. (Yikes) Let's not forget that karaoke has been documented to lead to murder. I can't count the times that I've wanted to open fire on a bad version of "My Way," but Frank is already dead, and shooting a record just doesn't carry the same satisfaction. Besides, we were talking about karaoke.
Lest you think this is just a foreign problem, (with apologies to Meredith Wilson)
either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge...
Or you are not aware of the calibre of disaster
Indicated by the presence of Karaoke in your community
Weeellll, ya got trouble my friend
Right here, I say, trouble right here in Knoxville Tennessee
Why sure I'm a bluegrass singer, certainly mighty proud to say
I'm always mighty proud to say it
I consider that the hours I spend with a mic in my hand are golden
Help you cultivate tone sense, and a cool vibe and a keen falsetto
'Jever take and try and give an acapella bridge from a 3 part harmony?
Well, just as I say it takes judgement, brains and maturity
To sing in a bluegrass band
I say that any boob can take and sing along with a teleprompted disc.
And I call that sloth! The first big step on the road to the depths of degreda[tion].
I say first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon
Then beer from a bottle!
And the next thing you know, your son is playin'
air guitar in a lipsync band
And list'nin to some big out-a-town Jasper
Hearin' him talk about Making the Band
Not a wholesome four piece combo, but a pre-fab boy band singing at the mall!
Like to see some MIlli Vanilli singing on the Opry?
Make your blood boil? Well I should say!
Now friends, let me tell ya what I mean:
Ya got 1 2 3 4 5 6 CDs in a player
CD's that mark the diff'rence between a gentlemen and a jerk
With a capital J and that rhymes with K and that stands for Karaoke!
I say we leave the Last Chance in the Old City (a strip club, for all you non Knoxvillians) alone, and go down to Big Mama's Karaoke Cafe, located on Chapman Highway (now serving lunch) and protest the corruption of our children's morals. We'll picket the place to keep our boys pure!
(Pure boys!)
Thank you, Marcellus.