From my e-mail
An American Airlines flight en route from Los Angeles to JFK airport in New York City was diverted to Kansas City yesterday when a passenger was noticed attempting to light a fuse protruding from his rectum. Flight Attendant Bunny Haggarty said she noticed the man seated in an aisle seat leaning forward and holding a cigarette lighter behind his legs.
"I thought he was just trying to light a fart," said Haggarty. Then I saw this string-like thing hanging from his ass, and I got scared." Haggarty immediately called for assistance, and several male passengers subdued the man before he was able to light the fuse.
After landing in Kansas City, authorities discovered that the man's intestines were stuffed with military grade C4 explosive. FBI agents stated that it would have been a complete catastrophe if the passenger had succeeded in lighting the fuse. The passenger, Mohammed Bin Ali El Batout Nabeel Sin Abba Rahim Mansour Ali Baba, age 25, was carrying fourteen passports from various countries throughout the middle east.
Asked why he had stuffed himself full of plastic explosives, Ali Baba stated, "I was planning to blow the chit out of the plane. I wanted to kill all the Americans and Jews to show that we are a peace loving pipple."
Airport security agents in Los Angeles remembered seeing Ali Baba as he boarded American flight 90. They were a bit concerned because his name would not fit on the front of the ticket; he was wearing a checkered tablecloth as a hat; he looked like he was ready to kill someone; he was reading an Al Qaeda training manual; and he was wearing a "Kill Americans" T-shirt. However, according to Federal Airport Security
standards, individuals cannot be profiled for additional security simply because they are young, Middle-Eastern men.
The security supervisor, Leroy Jackson, said he also was somewhat concerned with the way Ali Baba walked. "Hell, man, the guy waddled like he had a stick of dynamite up his ass!" stated Jackson. "Had I not been on the phone with my probation officer, I might have checked this guy out some more. But we want and need complete diversity in our passenger screening. Plus, we think the flight crews on those planes pose more of a threat to safety than one raghead with an exploding
ass. That's why you can always find one of them pilots in bare feet waiting for his shoes to be X-rayed. I love seeing the look on their faces when we make them do that," he guffawed. Jackson added, "I just hope they don't give those pilots guns, 'cause they might want to even the score."
Federal officials are referring to this latest terrorist weapon as a "butt bomb." Security experts believe this could be even more difficult to detect than the primitive "shoe bomb" used by terrorist Richard Reid.
"We have asked the FAA to demand that passengers provide evidence they are not carrying any explosive material in their intestines prior to a flight's departure," said one federal official.
But a spokesman for the FAA replied, "We are not going to take any crap from anyone."
Posted by Rich at July 29, 2002 12:04 AM